The results for that competition were finally posted, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't get a mention. I'm not too disappointed about it. Although the first 100 words are important in immediately drawing a reader in, its the overall idea I need to be able to sell to an agent.
So, in saying that, I'm happy to report that it is done. That's right, I've sent my first proposal out into the ether. I don't want to jinx myself, but I have a good feeling about this one. It's somehow different to the others I've worked on. The whole thing has been different, like I've finally found my place, its stronger, clearer, more put-together than some of the other stuff I've worked on.
I did have a dream a week or so ago that I'd gotten the good news and I was about to sign the contract. And you know what else makes me think I might actually get somewhere with this one? In the past, I've always sat around and thought "it'll be great when I get published because this will happen, and this will happen and I'll be able to write as many books as I like and know they're actually going somewhere." But the other day I was thinking about it and I suddenly went "oh my god, if I get published, I'll be working to a deadline. People will be relying on my work. What if I run out of ideas? What if I get writer's block? What if I think I can do it but I JUST CAN'T?" It was a moment of total panic. And I'm sure I'll have many more when I do eventually get to the point where someone says "yes, I will be your agent and this house will publish your book."